iPhone Parenting

Speed Racer and I went to a house-warming on Saturday. The couple whose house it was are much younger than us, and a lot of their young friends were there. One of these young couples had a 21-month-old toddler, a really cute little girl. Being 21 months old, she was ready to explore this new house, grab all the nick-nacks, and try to eat all the unsuitable-for-toddlers food that had been put out for the party. Mom and Dad hadn't brought any toys for her, or food suitable for her, and after she had entertained herself for a good long while playing with the ice in the drinks coolers, she started to get a little whiny and bored.

No problem, Dad said, and he pulled on an iPhone. She relaxed on his lap, and started watching what Dad said was an educational cartoon, which was supposed to be teaching her the letters of the alphabet. She sat there, first on Dad's lap, and then on Mom's, mesmerized by the tiny animated characters on the tiny iPhone screen. Conversation turned to other topics, including somebody else's child who apparently is gifted. Mom and Dad opined that little Samantha was also gifted, as she already knew almost all her letters from watching this cartoon over and over.

Now, my kids watched way too much TV when they were little, and probably of all the wrong sort. But I never remember them being so passive in front of the tube -- they were either playing with toys or each other when it was on, or were interacting with it -- laughing at it and talking back. We often used the thing as baby sitter so dinner could get made, etc.

But watching this Gen Whatever-comes-next kid passively tuned into the iPhone made me into the worst sort of parental critic. I wanted to tell them that no child ever learned to read from watching cartoons, that 21-month-old toddlers shouldn't need an iPhone to keep them occupied, and that they should have brought some toys in the diaper bag. But I kept my mouth shut.

Whether iPhone parenting is what is going to rescue the US from being the educational back-water we have become, or whether it will lead to a generation of kids who really will be prepared for the complexities and technology of tomorrow, I almost forgot one key thing. Parenting is hard. Kids are wonderful, and and they light up your life, and only a few people ever admit that some days they wish they they had never become parents. But being a parent, especially being the parent of a toddler who is establishing her independence and is insatiably curious about everything she encounters, is really hard. If you find something that will keep your toddler quiet and occupied long enough for you to cook dinner, or have an adult conversation at a party, you will go for it, and you will keep going for it for as long as it works. And old people like me, who have forgotten how hard those days of parenting toddlers are, should keep their mouths shut.